Birthers – Finally A Movement That Focuses On What Makes America Great!

Wed, Apr 20, 2011

Current Events

Birthers – Finally A Movement That Focuses On What Makes America Great!

Finally, there is a political movement in America that makes perfect sense and focuses on what is important for our country; the birther movement.  It’s important to know who the heck is in charge of things in this country.  If you haven’t seen their birth certificate in person, how can you know if you can trust them.  They could have been born anywhere.  Even China!  This movement should have been around years ago.  But it’s never really been an issue into we let one of those other types of people into the White House.  If we don’t put our foot down, who knows what might get into the white house next…a Mexican, a 14-year old kid, a German Shepherd?

I am a little upset that the birther law didn’t pass in the great state of Arizona.  This law would have required all presidential candidates to show their long form birth certificates, circumcision records and baptism records to be allowed on the state ballot.  This makes complete sense.  These three items are probably the most important details a person needs to make a sound decision about voting.  Liberals will try to tell you it is a waste of time, but they only say that because they are scared and most of them are illegals and atheists.

Obama wants us to believe this is his real birth certificate!

First of all, we need to know where someone was born to make sure they are a true American.  Obama was supposedly born in Hawaii (but I’ve never held that birth certificate in my hands, so how do I know it is true), but Hawaii barely counts as a state.  It’s really far away from true America and it is close to China.  So it’s not surprising that Obama wants to be a communist, being so close to communist China growing up.  It just makes good sense to know the facts beforehand, because America would never vote for someone born in California or New York City.  They are probably drug addicts or gays.  We need be sure our candidates are from great states like Texas and Kentucky.

Next, the circumcision records.  This might seem foolish, but it is very important.  It does two things, it makes sure a woman can’t run for office (except for Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman because they are good at freedom, so they are exempt from the rules) and it can prove whether someone is a Jew or not.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not racist, but we all know that the Jews killed Jesus and do we really want a person that is okay with murdering Jesus running the country?  Imagine how amazing America would be if Jesus wouldn’t have been murdered by the Jews.  He probably would have been the first president and gave us all kinds of good advice on how to keep non-Christians from taking over.  So we have to be careful letting a Jewish person into office because they might rise up again and try to kill someone super important.

Lastly, and most importantly, we need to see a person’s baptism records.  Although a candidate may attend church every Sunday and be a very good and wholesome person, if they weren’t sprinkled with holy water by a man in a funny outfit, all those good deeds are useless, because he is not a true Christian.  Only people that were baptized in a church are true Christians.  People that weren’t sprinkled with water burn in hell for a torturous eternity no matter how good of a person they are.  This is because God, like America, doesn’t bend his rules for any reason.  No amount of explaining with facts and logic is going to change his mind, just like true conservative Americans.  So having a pretend Christian in office would be a bad thing.  At any minute Jesus could get angry at this fact and decide to flood America again, like he did to Noah.

In the end, the birther movement is just a smart concept.  The liberals focus so much on killing babies, it’s about time we had something that focused on life instead of death (other than war, because that’s okay, God makes an exception for that).   So vote to pass birther laws to keep people with funny names and different colored skin off our American ballots


One Response to “Birthers – Finally A Movement That Focuses On What Makes America Great!”

  1. Amanda Cholos Says:

    Tinfoiler, I miss you!


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