I hate to give Mexicans credit for anything, considering their rampant job stealing, communism, and all those burritos, but they have the right idea when it comes to drinking water in their country. They just don’t do it. They stay away from the water because the government adds so many chemicals it makes you sick, even more so than their Taco Bell tacos. Well, here in the good old USA, Obama and his cronies are a little more subtle. They add fluoride to the water as a mild mind control agent. Now they are doing their best to try to convince people to drink even more water. According to a news article, they are claiming that people can lose weight by drinking water. First, the liberals tell us we are too fat and shove weight loss down our throats, now they want us to do it by drinking their chemically spiked tap water. Who knows what else is in there other than fluoride? My children and I will stick to safe energy drinks. At least I know what I’m getting in there; good clean energy.
Why is this water drop blue? Because he is a liberal! He may look friendly, but he is deadly!
I’ve mentioned in previous articles that weight loss is an unnecessary evil. Apparently these lib-tard doctors want good American Christians to drink two glasses of water before meals for facilitate weight loss. They say that it will fill your stomach and lessen your appetite. The reality is that your appetite will go away because your stomach is filled with strange government chemicals laced into the water! The entire concept makes no sense at all, scientifically speaking. Water makes you big and bloated and will just block all the food. Your Jimmy Dean sausages will just float on top of the water in your stomach and go nowhere. Water is wasted volume, there is nothing in there to break down the food particles, no acids or sugars. The stomach has tubes filled with acid to eat away the food you eat, but if they are jammed full of water, they won’t work. If everyone followed this stupid advice, we’d all be bloated and slow. The Chinese army would have an easy time kicking and ninja-punching us into submission. Obviously, Obama just wants to make us an easy target for his Socialist friends.
If we drink government laced water, our insides will glow like they do in this lady!
If people feel that they must lose weight to fit in with liberals, there are much healthier ways to do it other than stuffing yourself full of government water. Instead of drinking water before each meal, try drinking Monster Energy Drink or Red Bull. Mathematically speaking, I would think that two or three cans would be a good amount, depending on how much meat you eat in a given meal. The drink will give your stomach extra energy to break down the meat products much faster so that it doesn’t have time to sit in your stomach and leak into the fatty parts of your body, like your legs or behind. This is why we gain weight, sometimes the food doesn’t break down fast enough and leaks into other parts of the body. Also, the energy drinks are full of acids and sugars (the good kinds) to help dissolve your food and make it disappear. Combine that with some Mountain Dew or Mello Yello
More important than weight loss is the water itself. I cannot stress enough that you should avoid government water. They have already admitted they put fluoride in it. They claim it is to help our teeth. Well, it didn’t help my kids’ teeth at all. As babies, I gave them lots of water and most of their teeth still fell out. Luckily they grew back! If they government can sneak fluoride in the water, what else can they put in there? The other day I found myself getting the urge to eat Chinese food right after I washed my hands…with government tap water. I don’t think that is a coincidence. As a family we avoid tap water completely. We do our weekly baths in the creek and wash our clothes in the retention pond out next to the interstate. Heck, I think I might just rip out the pipes in the house just so I never have the temptation to use government water late at night for convenience reasons.
As Americans, we always must keep on constant watch because Obama will do anything he can to turn us into mind controlled robots or easy targets for Chinese and South Americans. So, if you love freedom, you won’t drink water!
Check out this related article: Fat = Power
And don’t forget to check out the cool youtube video to the right -
August 26th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Are you fucking serious? Seriously, I think you might have brain dammage. All I drink is tap water, and guess what. NO SPECIAL KOOL-AID side effects. I strongly disagree and dislike our government, because thats a freedom I have in this country, not because I’m not drinking the water. Retard
August 26th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
It’s obvious you have been drinking tap water, as it has dulled your observational skills.
August 26th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
obviously a communist plot to sap and impurify precious bodily fluids
August 26th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
agreed. you have to be brain-dead to have written this piece of work you call an article.
August 26th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I know at times liberals can be a little slow in understanding things, but I would invite you to take a look around the site. You might become enlightened with the truth.
August 26th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
HELL NO. You’re insane. Water doesn’t make you communist. Water makes you FASCIST. Get it right! Do you know what the Amerinazis do to their guilty-until-proven-innocent kidnapped “detainees”? They waterboard them. WATERboard. WATER board. Do you recognize that word? WATER? And when the Nazis want to drown someone, what do they dunk them in? Do your research, JagerMom47 — IF 47 IS YOUR REAL NUMBER — they dunk them in water. You know what used to fall out of the sky on top of the Nazis in Germany? Here in the US it was just sulfuric acid, but there? WATER. FROM THE SKY. Water will make you a far-right fascist Nazi. Don’t buy their propaganda. Drinking water is hating Jews.
August 26th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Flouride and water as mind control? Wow, I hope you’re putting everyone on, shades of the Lyndon LaRouche idiots from the ’60s that spouted that same crap. They were idiots then and I see it persists until today….
August 27th, 2010 at 2:21 am
What a fun piece of satire! Well done. What truly frightens me is how this was taken seriously by so many readers … is that what this country has come to, that we have lost our senses of humor at the stightest hint of politico opinion and flare up at every little op ed piece? Sure, there are folks out there who truly believe that Floridation in the water is an attempt at mind control (I grew up with the stuff in my drinking water and I was far from being a submissive, brainwashed conformist) but after the baby teeth comment, how can anyone believe that this is a serious diatribe about a threat the author truly percieves? Really – if this were serious, I’d honestly fear for those children, if their parent(s) thought that their teeth feel out because of the drinking water and then, magically, grew back! *sigh* I’d like to see America Reclaim Sanity.
August 27th, 2010 at 9:29 am
I love your pieces. But I generally don’t laugh so hard that I start snorking and spitting coffee until I get to the comments. How can people be so angry and uptight that they don’t appreciate your humor for what it is?!?!
Good work!
August 27th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Lol, excellent piece of writing! I was really laughing until I saw the comments by those who completely missed the satire–they frighten me! Not the brightest bulbs in the circuit is the phrase that springs to mind. Time and again I see people who are not able to perceive when someone is putting them on; I guess I should be used to it by now, but it doesn’t bode well for our future. Please, please go read some books–they’re not just for f*gs anymore lol.
August 27th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Doh! Your energy drink is made with water.
October 18th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I’m pretty sure this was a joke, and a funny one at that.