Tinfoiler

It’s a sad day for true Americans.  Brace yourself…angelic Bristol Palin and former pornographer turned good Christian, Levi Johnston, have split again.  I am flying my American flag as well as my Stars and Bars at half mast all month.  This story was reported by the Washington Post, so you know it is important.  It must be a hot topic these days in the oval office.  Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is somehow Obama’s doing.  Apparently, the Palin family lawyer thinks that the young couple will work out their differences.  But what does a lawyer know?  Our President is a lawyer and look where that got America!  In defiance of the atheist Levi Johnston, I have cleared the house of all Levi jeans products and burnt them in the middle of the street.  Hunter and Scout will just have to wear their church sweat pantsuntil the next government unemployment paycheck comes in.

Mamma Grizzlies will stay strong and eat the faces off of weird liberals!

According to the article, Bristol would rather Levi just stay in the background and avoid Hollywood.  This makes perfect sense.  The entertainment industry is depraved enough.  Levi doesn’t stand a chance with all the temptation of gayness and diet sodathat comes out of Hollywood.  Only strong souls, like Sarah Palin, should dare enter the entertainment industry.  Todd Palin is a good example, he stays in the background like a woman.  This is not normally how things should be, but if you are chosen by the Lord like Sarah Palin, it is okay to have a womanly husband.  In any normal relationship, Todd Palin would be considered a homosexual. Apparently, Levi is greedy and wants to be on TV and make lots of money, unlike the wonderful Palin family.  Levi has been given a gift from God with his Jesus baby and the wonderfully innocent Bristol Palin.  The fact that he is denying it makes me wonder why he hasn’t been arrested yet.  Probably because Obama is president.

To show my hatred towards Levi Johnston, I am burning my favorite pair of Levi jeans!

I have to worry about how this will affect the queen Mamma Grizzly when she runs for president in 2012.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that Barack Obama is definitely behind Levi Johnston.  He is trying to put a dent in the Palin family spirit so they won’t run for office in 2012.  Well, Sarah, as she puts it herself, is as smart as a grizzly bear, so this won’t hurt her in any way. Heck, she is selflessly out there working hard getting more potential voters.  She recently went camping with “Kate Plus 8” from TLC.  That was definitely a selfless act, unlike Levi, wanting to get famous and be on television and make money.  Plus, Sarah Palin just locked in eight future votes from those little half foreign babies.  That might just lock in future elections for her!

One hurdle that might stop the beautiful grizzly from stampede forcing everyone to be moral and Christian with their fangs and claws, is the fact that now Obama is probably being backed by “big jeans money”.  If Levi Johnston is secretly working with Obama, then his cronies probably have limitless funds being filtered in from the Levi jeans company.  That company is probably one of the richest in the world.  My family alone spends over 100 dollars per year on their products.  I can only assume that the whole world buys their jeans from Levi, so that means they probably make tens of thousands of dollars every year!  Sarah Palin will have trouble fighting now that she makes no salary after bravely leaving the Alaska Governor’s office.  But grizzly bears don’t need money because they have teeth and freedom. They will just shred apart those Levi jeans.

Well, my heart breaks for Bristol.  And I hope all of you will follow suit with me and fly your flags at half mast in honor of her holy tears.  I’m sure Levi will go straight back to taking his shirt off for dirty gay pornographers and will soon be sipping diet sodas and eating Chinese sushi balls.  But this kind of activity is punished in the afterlife, so I’m not too concerned.  And whenever I see someone wearing Levi jeans, I will show them my claws and let out my grizzly roar!