Tinfoiler

As a part of their home schooling, I had my sons write 50-word essays about good conservatives. My son, Scout, wrote one about Newt Gingrich. Well, he got an afternoon of picking up cigarette butts off the back porch for that one. He failed to realize that Newt Gingrich can be rearranged to spell “Get(t)ing Rich”, so it is obvious where his intentions lie. Hunter, on the other hand, had a very interesting essay regarding someone that I never considered; Paris Hilton. At first glance, she seems like a typical liberal screw-up. But upon deeper analysis, we can see that she represents a lot of good conservative values. She is very similar to the blessed Sarah Palin. In fact, Paris Hilton’s name is striking similar and can spell “Sari Pilon” which is close enough for government work. And just like Sarah realized she is too good for Alaska, Paris Hilton knows that she is too good for certain jobs also. She showed the world this in her wonderful documentary “The Simple Life.” Sarah Palin is now creating her own television program “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, which also makes them similar. They both represent the values of good Americans, achieving success through popularity and having lots of money. I hope my children achieve their status at some point in their lives.

Well, I was trying to avoid writing about the whole ‘mosque at ground zero’ hoopla since it has been adequately covered by neutral sources like Glenn Beck. But my son, Hunter, pointed something out to me the other day that opened my eyes. We are focusing on the wrong issue. It’s an old fashioned ‘bait and switch’. He told me to say “mosque” and listen to the word. It sounds like a snooty elitist liberals aying the word “mask”. It is exactly what a bunch of left-wing college professors would sound like drinking their cream sherry and smoking their cherry cigars saying the word “maaaask”. So the mosque is actually a mask covering a more serious plot. In fact, after reading about this so called ‘mosque’ it turns out what they are really building is a community center. That’s worse than a mosque! A community center gives the ‘community’ things for free and we all know what that is…communism! Not only that, they are tearing down a Burlington Coat Factory to erect a community center. So all the hard working factory employees will lose their coat-making jobs while liberals clean their dreadlocks in a free ‘community’ swimming pool using my tax dollars.

The commies are at it again. This time the dark plot involves the hard working farmers of America. Obama wants to shut down good American egg farms by scaring everyone away from eating eggs. Not only that, he wants to take away their rifles too! Unable to sell eggs, they will go broke, and with no rifles, they won’t be able to shoot the lazy liberal hippies that come on their land and try to steal their corn cobs which they make into marijuana smoking devices. Our president is getting sneakier and sneakier every day. They say these “contaminated” eggs have “salmonella”. Salmonella is obviously a fish disease, since it comes from the word “salmon”. “Salmonella” is probably just another word for a female salmon. Now what kind of true American farmer has salmon anywhere near his eggs? Eggs go with clean processed sausage products, not fish. Salmon is for homosexual vegetarians and Chinese sushi eaters. If the eggs did get salmon poisoning, it had to come from liberals throwing salmon sushi rolls all over Midwestern farms. As any good conservative wouldn’t be caught dead near a salmon, let alone a girly “salmonella” fish. Obama didn’t hide the trail very effectively this time.

Just a quick article today as I am on the road, writing this from a Holiday Inn Express business center. I am with my sons on our way to visit the largest thermometer in the world, located in Baker, CA. I want them to see how high the temperature will go for them in the afterlife if they decide to support gayness or college math.

This country is getting ridiculous. According to a recent news article, Obama’s cronies had a lemonade stand run by a 7-year old girl at a public event shut down because she didn’t get a temporary restaurant permit. So now Obama not only hates freedom, he hates lemonade too! This is America, not Japan or Canada. If you are under a certain age, like this little girl, you should be able sell any food or beverage completely unrestricted in public places. It only makes sense. Permits are for grown-ups because they might actually be terrorists trying to poison the population, so that $120 fee would separate serious people from the Muslims. Some whiny liberals complain that everyone should be subject to “public health rules”. But this was a little Christian Caucasian girl, so you know that there wasn’t anything weird in the lemonade like toxic soy sauce or Mexican jalapeno peppers. So what if someone got sick and sued? The government would have to pay for it. That’s what they have all that money in the White House for, to give back to the people in situations like this. That’s what conservative America is about.